Monday, March 12, 2018

Terra Vista cemetery

Now that the ayahuasca trip log is done, the real fun can begin! While the world of the living is brewing, the voices of the dead are audible to the naked ear. It helps to be stoned, but solidifying memories leaves a way to communicate even when the window between worlds separates. The ability to communicate is dependent on many variables, the weather, the stars, etc. The spirit world has never been closer to our world. Even still there are momentary surges here and there. She wants to make sure you learn it the first time, making the same mistake twice has consequences.

Terra Vista cemetery is an old cemetery that started as a native burial site and became a settlers cemetery. Some of the first outsiders in this state were buried there. However, the world of the dead has this sort of effect where they are too ingrained in the land to leave. They weren't unwelcome it seems, the land just wasn't ready. It wasn't good. The spirits most certainly are restless, and sort of welcomed marijuana. It was a weird story, but with the assistance of marijuana, I can finally prove that I'm insane!

The walk up is a curved hill. It's about a 10 minute walk, but then you get to a clearing of trees. Tall grasses grow on both sides of the trail. The first headstone can be seen in the distance, an eery white. That walk wasn't ordinary, each step was a year back in time. By time you get there it's 1891.Still a little in the future, but the air is too heavy here to contemplate that further. It's a small cemetery, but it's a very large burial site. It stretches out much further than the little graveyard surrounded by woods. It's not too far from the road, but you can barely see it, and sounds echo. Chickens are in the area and are most commonly heard. Listen a little more closely and you'll hear the real voices. Tread lightly.

the days of the fried - ayahuasca part 3

What always stood out to me about ayahuasca was how when you think you're overcome by it, it has a way of reminding you it only just got started. The trips had a time specific duration, and followed a natural course each time. Ayahuasca is not for you if you enjoy confusing mystical stories. Each time you take it, you're just trying to get high again, and potentially receive a new vision. I consider it the psychedelic of clarity. I walk away from it each time feeling right as rain. The haze of thoughts is replaced with a contentment of being. I sat outside the next day listening to the same music again, and wrote down the details of the trip into a notebook that is no longer in my possession. I was noticed, and I was noticed in a big way.

I never sold drugs, but I was about to become a drug lord. The twackery found me, and I was too far gone. Fentanyl started replacing weed, and meth wasn't far around the corner. I had amnesia, and I blacked out often. I only knew when I was coming back. Only this time my body was fighting to survive. I'll say it again, I blacked out a lot.

I was having an interesting roommate situation pop up. Some people moved in, moved out. Invited friends. I tripped on LSD at least. We walked around the woods at night. The stars hallucinated a beautiful compass, and the trail had signs. I would have chosen to smoke more weed though, the cocaine and meth at the end of the night made me sick. I guess the LSD was a compromise.

August 2017 another sunny day. I decide to microdose it this time, I wanted to test out that possibility. I just sat in the grass in the front yard, I looked over at the tree and the green leaves resonate, shooting green fractals out each leaf tip! The clouds in the blue sky where actually inches away this whole time! Who knew? It just felt like being small and in awe of nature.

Ayahuasca is always beautiful, but that was the eye of the storm. I was left without a job, the water was shut off, and the people just keep changing. I wasn't paying rent anymore so why not? Meth came free, and I actually occasionally got some weed. What meth addicts won't tell you is that they can't smoke weed anymore without tweaking horrifically. You need to find a connection that isn't too far gone. Even still, it became an impossible thing and meth was it. I already had nothing left, and it became interesting eating meth.

Meth is a superhuman drug. Something just isn't right about it. My thoughts are on display and everyone can see them! After a few days of abusing my thoughts, I sat there wondering when the meth and sleep deprivation would kill me. I don't even know why I take more, it's literal abuse. I sat awake for a week not speaking. I communicated moving stuff around. Nothing much ever happened so it wasn't hard to point an incense burner towards someone. Deep philosophical conversations while not saying a word.

Much of the details will remain out of the story. Going into anymore detail could incriminate me. My rent was already up and I moved out. I've been clean from meth, heroin, fetty, etc for maybe 5 months now. The journey into recovery is a tough one. I don't fear slipping now that marijuana isn't laced with anything except good ol' THC. It's still a struggle, but the human mind is always wired to recover. I ate a lot of sin on ayahuasca, I'm not worried. Marijuana keeps me happy. No one should have to fight to use the medicine that heals them. That's the world we were born into though. I like to think if I have any say, my word could strike fear in the prohibitionists. Nothing else works like marijuana. A bowl or two in the morning makes me chill and relaxed. The day goes by smoother. I just try to keep my perspective in check. I love getting lost in thought.

Ride through hell - ayahuasca part 2

In the dream world, nothing is impossible, just improbable at most. If it can be imagined it can be woven. This physical world however is bound to physical stuff. We build dreams interacting in this world. The psychedelic reality is for this world to be an endless resource for us. Listen, for the earth will tell the secrets to coerce this endless treasure. The imagination has only just been imagined, and is getting more colorful everyday.

The picture perfect scenario for intruders to break in and arrest this paradise. It's all in the mind, how could this have become real in this world? And they're all real, many of which are confused. I didn't leave, I was taken away. The cringe-worthiness of life sometimes sucks the life out of me and I want to die, but I couldn't leave unannounced. It was well understood. I didn't even know where I was going, and I was the one in charge. Or at least that's what ayahuasca would say, since it reveals the self. My trip was my responsibility. The fact that other people got caught up in it was an unfortunate mistake for myself and most people involved. I was taken advantage of by many, I lost virtually all of my possessions, and sat in the living room with a group of people while I silently contemplated how much more meth it would take to die. I got in this situation, but I never wanted any of that! Buckle up, dorothy, this roller coaster not only hasn't been tested, it might be too old to ride. I built it in a past life.

This was a period of significant spiritual growth. I had a clarity and tranquility that most definitely was noticed. From my perspective, satan is female, and intelligent. She's tricky, she naturally knows how to play with human emotion. I'm not sure she realizes the damage she does though. The weed was laced with fentanyl and meth! 5 police officers responding to a heroin overdose call from someone who just smoked laced weed... This garbage is barely even weed, but it's all that's available. I got robbed a number of times making a deal. Why so sketchy dude? You ain't no hot shot. Give up the crack, you'll think clearer.

I didn't even try anything beyond marijuana and ayahuasca yet. I only knew the scene changed overnight. The weed isn't actually laced, but the paranoid heroin addicts growing it will sell you some jaded stuff. They don't smoke it, they just sell it. I can tolerate a bit of a paranoid high, weed is my medicine even if it was abused.

June 2017 a sunny day off from work, and I was cleaning the house all day with acacia confuscia simmering on the stove. It's a smell one will never forget, it comes out of no where sometimes too. I knew how OCD I get on ayahuasca so I got the set and setting right. Drift off into icaros and it should be fine. Turns out I didn't hallucinate much before!

It kicked in quite quick, this time I got pulled into beautiful geometric shapes literally turning my eyesight into a kaleidoscope. It's hard to explain hallucinations, but I was looking out the window and a rabbit was in the front yard. Geometric shapes danced around it. I walk outside taking in the hallucination, people are out on the street that can see me, and I can't see straight anymore.

Few people know what to do when they see someone on ayahuasca. I thought I was dead. I was taken to a hospital. I'll never forget that car ride. It was a 45 minute drive, and I thought it was a space ship traveling intergalactically. Time opens up, and life times of memories appears for a few moments. That went by too quick to take in! That was a lot! I remembered wars. I remembered the pyramids. The memories were as if I was there.

And then bright lights flash on. I don't know where I am, but now I'm in a bright little room. They put something on my wrist, and I immediately fight it off. An IV goes in, what do they think they're doing?!? People come in and out of the room, doctors and nurses. I couldn't tell a difference, I hallucinated them to be different people.

I waited out the trip there. It was the longest trip I've had to date. It took a long time to realize I wasn't actually dead. I was searching for the sun, and the thought came back to me that it's night time. Despite how powerful the psychedelic is, I woke up out of it with clarity of thought, and I was discharged from the hospital with the diagnosis "accidental drug ingestion."

I brought these papers with me for a union meeting. I was already fallen into a world of drugs that was bound to swallow me alive, and I presented these papers just to show I wasn't hiding anything. I was already in a position where I was open about my marijuana use, ayahuasca is hard to understand, but it's also hard to hide.

At this point I now look like a heroin addict. I didn't see it then, but it's clear now. I could have predicted falling into drugs with this trip. I was officially in territory that can't be seen, survival is a day to day struggle. I hit rock bottom and I hit it hard. I'll break off here and write a part 3 with the last trip.

Saturday, March 10, 2018

up the creek

I connected that creek so strongly with ayahuasca the recent Tori Amos song just sends me back somehow. I think people who hold memories of the earth just have a way. But so is me, I don't know whatever the hell I talk about. I like the song, a lot.

I discovered the creek alongside a running trail through the park. Just wooded areas. Its a fascinating area to walk off the trail and see what is deep in the woods. I faced my fear of heights there.

I also saw a girl walk up a stream one day. I have no idea why it caught my attention, but I eventually walked up the creek. I was mostly stoned, most of the time. The creek has walls, it's carved deep into the earth. It's older than it appears. But that only means you're surrounded by earth. The chipmunks play this game well. Drop an acorn and see if it freaks him out. Who said that! Chipmunks will never tell you it was them, sounds echo there and they know. They know it well.

The story I'm telling about this creek had a resolution, pending a revisit after this current winter. The creek had an unfolding story. I continued cleaning out the creek, and put in motion things that should self-correct the flow. It will always give way. I moved it in that direction.

The memory I want to share is the most recent update. The last dam I opened was a big pool. It opened as a torrential waterfall. In the wake of this waterfall, there was a pool above it. There were 3 fish. Two fish were small and colorful. The third was the size of a guppy. The two small fish jumped over the waterfall while the other fish stayed in the pool.

Back where the trail meets the creek, salamanders hide under the stones. Frogs and turtles live a little upstream. Life in Ohio is tropical and vibrant.

The storm

part two is an ongoing story, I have two trips left to cover, but not even I'm ready to tell that story yet. I was left with a responsibility, I have to craft the story so that the universe would be pleased with it. I chose this journey and must keep the story about myself. Until I figure out how to tell that story, I'll talk about this one. Being reborn on ayahuasca opens one up to feel things that most people aren't even aware exists. I've only ever experience true ego death on ayahuasca. Marijuana is just medicine, if you want the truth seek a higher source.

The weather is alive and lives in the collective heart. We are all connected, we influence the weather. planet earth listens to the songs of the living creatures at night, and produces fitting weather the next day. A storm was in the air, and this was the first storm that emanated from my heart, that I controlled.

I worked from 6am to 2pm, it was a rough day. The clouds in the sky made the day grey, and threatened rain. I set off for a walk in the woods to check up on a creek I normally walk up and meditate. Kick off your shoes, and walk up the lightly flowing stream, you'd be addicted too.

This was the first time back in early spring, what was once clear and gentle became saturated in algae and debris. The sky grew darker and darker, and the creek was clearly overtaken by winter. The flat stone that normally provided light grip was slick as ice.

Rain started falling. I scanned the periphery trying to remember how it was last I saw it. I noticed where the water was redirected, and dammed up by last years leaves and debris. It's completely different now! The rain comes down harder, and thunder fills the air as I remove the dam of debris. I grab a stick and use it as leverage to completely bust that dam. I sink deeper into the water though. water filled with mud appears under me and slowly flows down stream.

As it rained and thundered harder, I fell deeper into the water clearing away what I knew didn't belong there. Each thunder strike deepened my resolve. Nature had a voice, and it wasn't about to fall again.

By time I decided enough was enough, I started walking back. I was just walking completely drenched in rain, about a half hour back to the car. I didn't care, My creek became the poisoned swamp in majoras mask. Only thunder is cathartic when you're a god.

Being a god also means getting lucky some times. A guy in a pick up truck drove me to my car. We talked about work, how all the jobs went to part time work and the system is just set up against us.

He didn't know I'm god. I didn't either, but that's why I'm still working on part two. How do I explain that I'm god? I'll figure it out somehow, stay tuned.

My ayahuasca trips, pt 1

An alien that became human. Being reunited with the lion. communicating between two worlds at once, only the kaleidoscopic rabbit can speak that language. Ayahuasca is the hallucinogenic brew containing DMT. DMT in this world is considered a psychedelic, on the other side it's considered the portal. The hallucinogen potential of ayahuasca is significant, and is experienced in some form or another as bright and colorful intricate geometric shapes. The scope of complexity of ayahuasca naturally draws attention. No one walks away from ayahuasca untouched. What is seen is so profound, it's transformative love that encompasses the entirety of time in a moment. It might be considered an impossible job to describe an ayahuasca trip, but I'll attempt to explain my ayahuasca trips thus far. Buckle in, this roller coaster hasn't been tested before.

August 2016 was the beginning of my death. I died then, I just didn't realize it yet. I could still talk to everyone I knew, everything was where I left it. What did I just experience? I actually thought I brewed it wrong, and it wouldn't do anything. I don't know where I went, but I knew I was coming back. The outside world reminded me I put thought into it, I had palo santo incense, icaros on youtube, and a safe place to "nap." It was the first time I can remember my mind going truly blank. I remember visions of torture, but it passed and the hallucinations took over. I snapped out of my head, and looked out the window eagerly trying to remind myself nothing changed. The tree outside the window all of a sudden tells me it's holographic. The beautiful colors blended and contrasted making the world appear smaller and smaller. Only nature can truly ground. I learned my first psychedelic lesson: when you can't remember who you are anymore, look outside, it will return you. I solidified my contract with ayahuasca, It was my first time and won't be my last. I just didn't know how soon I wanted to try it again, despite being such a mild trip in comparison with what is to come, I needed time to sort it out and understand what just happened to me. Nothing was the same after that day. I died and didn't realize it yet, ayahuasca had a lot planned for me.

April 2017 Was when I traveled back to the other side. This time I was able to get a group of friends together, and wasn't the only one tripping. The unpredictable nature of ayahuasca was seen with this trip. Ayahuasca was felt, but it felt more like a drinking party than an ayhuasca ceremony. I won't complain, time felt different, and everything had subtle meaning to it. I felt like I was a kid again, and felt like I could remember repressed childhood memories. It was very freeing, and I knew it felt like a religious experience. Religious experience feelings are contagious. I was only getting psyched for the next ayahuasca ceremony the following week. This ayahuasca trip went so well, we were quick to plan the next one. This is where I would normally say to buckle up, the roller coaster definitely was not tested before, and things get more intense, more real, and more in your face.

One week later, also on a Thursday, the true ego death. The ayahuasca experience is actually a rebirth. It's considered the 'vine of souls' because the world it opens the individual up to, the other side, is actually the world of the dead where souls await birth. Only in the world of the dead can wounds of the soul be healed. The world of the dead is an incredible source of information. The knowledge of the careful balance of the living and the dead is just a lightly guarded secret. No one is about to break into the world of the dead and disrupt things. No one is any different than anyone else there. The world of the dead was never in danger, and will never be in danger. However, the world of the living is in much danger. My mission awaited me, I went in so naive. I felt the fear of death as usual, but I still thought I was alive! Man did I have a lot to learn!

Starting over, trip number 3. I tripped with the same people, just at a different house. By time I got there, the brew was ready, and the only preparation was a couple bong hits. I should take a step back and say that I was the only one that combined weed and ayahuasca, which I did for most of my trips. If one doesn't have the time to spend a week in nature to prepare for ayahuasca, I'd suggest smoking a little pot first. It's perfectly safe to combine, and in the contemporary urban shamanic jungle, it's a life saver. It is darker though. This time I felt the brew seep into my cells. I not only saw myself turn black, I felt it too! My body started turning black, and my vision was flowly fading to black. My friend who couldn't possibly realize my body was turning black and fading from existence slowly but surely insisted on showing me pictures he took on the road. I called my friend over so that I could excuse myself so that I wouldn't literally disappear in front of everyone. I walked to the bathroom thinking I was about to throw up, but a lot of dry heaving just left me on the floor by the toilet as if I was black out drunk. I've been there before, but this time was different. I could see into the darkness, I was aware of the darkness consuming me. I could only sit and wait. On the floor of the bathroom still awake, but seeing the darkness of oblivion. I summoned a little strength to walk back, but by time I got to the living room, I collapsed on the floor and died. Before that final moment, I explained how I felt blackout drunk, but I was at a loss trying to explain how lucid the darkness was. I said "I haven't had alcohol in months!" as I fell to the floor barely able to catch my fall. I was still conscious, but I couldn't move in the unending darkness.

Ayahuasca had me cornered. She knew I was a tricky one. She also didn't even need to try, I walked straight into her trap and said "I love it." As the unending darkness closed in on me, I was more and more captivated. I let go and let ayahuasca take complete control over me. I still remember them watching 'planet earth' on tv the whole time. I could only remember hearing it, and hallucinating all the weird sounds of nature. ayahuasca is also the most bizarre thing someone can experience. It's mindblowingly weird what you'll feel that you never felt before. The rhythm of nature is a most bizarre song and dance. It will leave you covered in mucous.

Once I pulled out of the void, reborn to this planet, I was left with my friend who also tripped on ayahuasca and puked so hard it came out of his nose! I was barely aware! We packed his stone pipe with wild tobacco and smoked what can only be seen as a peace pipe on ayahuasca. I fell in love with the peace pipe, and bought one the next day. We went to a smoke shop and I found a stone pipe for 15 dollars. After a wake and bake sesh with my friend that left me too fried to think, the stone pipe fell into my life.

I miss that pipe. I miss it all. I was reborn into an incarnation that is more confident. I was also sent on a mission I wouldn't discover for a couple months. I was in heaven, but hell was brewing on earth. All good things come with a dark side. I'll explain it all in pt. 2.

Monday, February 26, 2018

The puerh bubble

old posts on this blog where from then. i'm drinking a shou that started as 6 different samples and i mixed them all together. the chunks mean it's one tea in the cup though, it's just random and unlabeled.