Monday, July 9, 2018

Death and Rebirth

I am a living dead person.

When you die, you're just reborn. The same cycle will repeat itself over and over, as it always did. Shamans depend on this for insight. The journey is a personal journey into death. Those that make it out alive are truly alive, because they were allowed to see all there was to offer. For what could be the most bizarre and weird root to reality, death only transitioned into rebirth. Ayahuasca is known for an experience that will reintroduce the individual to this planet showing all that was hidden before.

Rebirth really is a social construct. When humans first witnessed the present moment, it was communicated and remembered. We study the divine, so we learn the ways of the divine. We don't orchestrate a ceremony, we just know how to step aside and let the spirit of ayahuasca do the work.

The present moment has been witnessed, but who can explain it? The present moment is here, but it contains so much more. The present moment is where you'll find all you've ever needed. In the present moment, we become all that we were ever meant to become. Think about it too hard and the present moment becomes elusive.

We just forget we are in the present moment because we are alive. I'm so dead I live in the entirety of time, so I can get away with saying some really crazy things. It's a product of experience, and staying true to the path of humility. Ayahuasca is pure humility.

What makes this present moment special is that it has always been here. There's a catch though. You will be alone with god, and though you may want to write everything you hear down, you won't be able to. You won't even know how god is communicating since you hear no words. Bring pen to paper, and god becomes more cryptic. Continue listening and you'll realize it's a one on one with god, and god wants no distractions.

You need to recite the prayer from memory. When the memories return, so does the words, and then you'll be able to write. Those that make it out alive are truly alive, and have a story to share.

My God is the God of death. I am the living incarnation of God. The experience is a true death experience, so it's possible to feel like a dead person animating a living body. The knowledge of death is the knowledge of God. This is the "holy spirit" at work.

Acclimation takes time. Then it's like going in and out of dream states. Anyone that is initiated like this will experience every state of mind for the simple sake of having that awareness. The cycles that are interwoven, long and short, will never be able to surprise you. Take this present moment for the clarity and tranquility that it has to offer.

So the sage thinks.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Ghost town

Everything is on earth.

What existed is, was, and will always be.

Singularity breaks off into fractals. Fractals repeat infinity.

What is lost will be found.

What needs to be found will be discovered.

That which should be discovered will remain hidden.

No one will care.

Tribal dance.

Town of ghosts.

Mind fuck America.

Thursday, April 5, 2018

letters to god and native land rights

*I wrote the manifesto within the first few days of rehab. Halfway through I needed to write just for the sake of writing. I'm fairly repetitive about stuff, but I guess I'm just trying to prove consistency. My views cannot change even if I'm on an anti-psychotic and not allowed to use a real pen.*

A letter to God

Dear God,
I know you are the unnamed. You have many names given to you by people on earth. I affectionately call you aya. There is no doubt that the way is paved by you. Your spirit is the guiding voice induced by ayahuasca. I'll always recognize your voice. You're the voice of reason. Your being is made out of love. You reside in our imaginations, and hear our prayers because you are always with us, whether one believes in you or not. You don't demand worship, though we fall on our knees crying when your light fills our lives. We can't help but be in awe. A life of faith guided by your light lets in an endless resource of love into our lives. If we didn't feel it, we would think we are delusional. A conversation with God? No wonder Jesus had to teach people how to pray. God never stopped listening, and when appropriate, will reveal his/her existence to us. God will not hide from the truly faithful. Ever see the signs in the sky? Most people just aren't tuned into this frequency. We are like a radio broadcast, and we the people need to fix our tuners. We need to learn how to love again. Sadly we did forget. We judge each other needlessly. We are critics in a world that desperately needs creators. We need new creativity. We need to unlearn sarcasm. We need to be human beings united by one sole cause: ONE. 'One' is a word that came to me in meditation. It's a popular buzzword coming back from 1960's counter culture. We are more connected than separate. We just live as if divided. One brings people of all kinds of backgrounds together. God was involved every step of the way. God is one. God is love. God loves every creature on this planet. It's up the the individual to allow this love into one's life. Embracing God's love means embracing solidarity.
Love, little standing lion

Ayahuasca = God

I went past the point of no return and kept going. I didn't really have a choice. No one at any point can truly be prepared to experience DMT. If you don't feel the fear of death before taking it, you're lying. It's hard to understand this without trying a psychedelic, but ayahuasca in particular enters your life the exact moment you were meant to try it. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to be prepared, it just means you were ready to receive a vision. It takes 30-60 minutes to kick in, and is usually preceded by a "purge." 'La purga' is the physical act of throwing up. This is similar to throwing up on alcohol, it helps get rid of the nausea, and prepares the physical body to be let go so the mind and soul can wander around this universe safely. If one uses ayahuasca enough, universal awareness becomes second nature to the individual. I was looking for the sun on my fourth trip. I was very lucid in my astral projection by time this trip happened. Ayahuasca makes you alone. My parents came and picked me up this trip because I thought I was dead and being reincarnated. I thought my parents were angels potentially leading me to the afterlife. Ayahuasca is also called the 'vine of souls.' That is literally what it's like to die. I know the secrets of death because I visit the world of the dead, even still. Without ayahuasca, it's called 'prayer.' It requires an open mind, and memories of the deceased.

Ghost House

My story is hard to understand because it involves necromancy. Communicating with the dead. I didn't purposely seek it out, it's more like I became possessed without a choice. The ghosts followed me home from Terra Vista cemetery. It's not even close to the first time I visited that cemetery, however, they didn't notice me at first. Most people I talked to about the cemetery say they feel unwelcome there. I felt a strange kind of malice. I didn't feel unwelcome, but I understood that strange feeling they described. One day, they followed the scent of tobacco to my own living room. Talking to the dead as I later found out means paying attention to sounds and scents at a more subtle level. The spirits at that cemetery have their own smell. I couldn't deny it was them. I packed wild tobacco in my stone pipe, and exhaled the spirit of the graveyard. I wasn't the only one that noticed. The people living downstairs noticed it too. 1710 Liberty dr. in Akron became a haunted house because I allowed the spirits to inhabit me. The spirits are at peace now, but only because they were set free. I set them free. Terra Vista is slowly becoming a nature reserve where woodland creatures are breathing fresh air, and realizing that nature is returning to them. Animals can speak for the dead too. Spirits like having playful animals to keep them amused. They also like the scent of lavender, which I leave for them as an offering. I leave various kinds of offerings to the spirits to help keep them happy while I'm away. I know they appreciate it (someone took their existence seriously!). They've been dead for a quite a while. This new kind of life makes them happy.

Native Land Rights

The past still haunts us today.The victors don't want to admit it, but there is still a trail of blood that not only followed the trail of tears, but is at our front doorstep. "Injuns" were of no use to us so we took their beautiful land and made it our own and pushed the remaining natives to reservations where life is desolate and the land ruined. Few will hear how the natives tried to compromise. Many became christian preachers. Their stories are written in an overlooked section of history. Some went to Europe to study (domestication). They were given English names, and spoke with a conviction similar to Martin Luther King Jr. They performed rituals to return the land to it's former glory, but were massacred. Men, women and children all killed mercilessly. The past still haunts us. It haunts me too. America is a nation in need of desperate healing. We are generations separated from our worst atrocities, and only a lifetime separated from separatism. We have a long way to go before america can be great again. To be clear, america was great before any outside influences arrived. Within living memory, America was never great. Many live in a form of purgatory in this great land. Any glory we remember was stolen from other cultures (Geronimo). We must accept what happens next and move on. We never needed to take by force. Give what you give and take what you take.
Let's make it even, deal?
Don't for a second that I'm forgetting about slavery and civil rights. Rally behind this movement. We'll create the cover for you to reach the justice everyone deserves. Unspoken virtues.
-little standing lion

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

A Manifesto - the tao te aya

*I wrote this on 6 pages of printer paper folded in half while in rehab*

"She dwells with beauty, beauty that must die,
and joy, whose hands are ever at her lips,
His soul shall taste the fury of her might
and be among her cloudy trophies hung"
-John Keats

Let Go publications (public domain)
In memory of her, I love you
This house resembles the inner workings of my mind. This is my story.
****page 1-22****
They say in psychology that personality is set in stone. It's the functional identity that stays the same while emotions, moods, and trends come and go. I studied psychology in college for an undergrad degree, My college career was where I felt my personality surface. Psychology is science to the extent of the accuracy of statistics. Walking into psychology and being told we use numbers to predict accuracy always sends up red flags, including myself. The fact is, its the only tool that can be used in psychology, and it is indeed accurate enough to provide evidence supporting or disproving a thesis.

When I took ayahuasca, a series of events unfolded, and ayahuasca was generally blamed for every negative thing in my life. It makes sense, we don't have an established shamanic culture in the US. Experienced shamans normally guide new users through this otherworldly change. I had to become my own shaman. I had to find my own teachers, and I had to open my senses to nature, including the "6th" sense developed on ayahuasca. I made mistakes. Alcohol should be avoided while still "fresh" from ayahuasca. I'm still learning, and expect this to be a rich journey experiencing life with new senses.

Even though I love my parents, and they love me, I can't expect them to teach me how to understand ayahuasca. I can sense how many people want to be my teacher, but in order for me to understand someone as a teacher, they need to communicate on my brain wave. I listen and learn in silence. Most teachers are unexpected. They say something that makes me think, and I'm left wondering if they realize how insightful they are. Even Jesus learned from other people.

I fell into the world of drugs because addicts tend to understand me better immediately. I can walk out to my serene creek, move some rocks, stones, and branches making a zen meditation spot. With a clear mind, I always return back to society. I never stopped caring, no matter how dead I feel at any given moment. Some people just understand silence. Some people use empathy to feel someone. This is an easy way to interact. Develop things slowly and it's hard to go wrong.

Ok, that's how I got started using meth. Some things people will never understand and it's not worth trying meth just to understand what I'm trying to say.

In my experience, I consider drugs like marijuana, ayahuasca, and various entheogens and psychedelics to be peace drugs from no other than God himself.

K2 or 'spice' is a synthetic drug drug that is supposedly similar to marijuana. The drug is sprayed onto potpourri herbs. It has a particularly strong smell. Many stoners will eventually try K2. It's not hard to find. It's a buzz. but peace and love it ain't. People tend to use it in the wrong set and setting every time. the effects are strongly cerebral. Spice and meth are the loudest drugs in my experience. Spice is an easy way to understand meth. I consider spice my gateway drug. I stopped using it when I would pass out every time and wake up in the astral. The residue was never fun. It feels like a robotic mind drug. My mind wasn't always a computer, and I still prefer having a clear mind. I never met anyone that continued using spice. They switched to meth. No one wants to see me on meth again, but you might find the jump from K2 to meth to be natural. Meth just happens after K2.

The triggering event for my memories was ayahuasca the fourth time. Ayahuasca revealed my mission on earth, and I have her spirit on my side. She heals with universal love. Ayahuasca reminds the individual what it's really like being a human on planet earth. It was only a matter of time before I realized how different I am. The mission is *real*. No one else can see it, just wait until you can feel it. Nature speaks after ayahuasca teaches how to listen. Practical real world magic is real. (my shamanic brew, *two* *poles*)

The memories appeared in moments as the entirety of history appeared before my eyes. I have been reincarnated over and over again. This is is why I started this little writing saying how personality stays the same to demonstrate this point. I left my personality a bit using so many drugs. No one can figure it out, and all I can say is that I didn't actually change. I have my old blog online that shows I was the same back then. I recognize my own word. No one else can speak like I do. There's no mistaking that I haven't changed one bit. I just re-lived the bible story again. My existence provokes suspicion. I had to learn to be relentless to survive.

I lived on the streets too. It informs my creative process. I learned an unusual creative process that can be considered trippy, even without smoking weed or using drugs. I far prefer using weed for creativity, but that isn't always feasible. The creative process is divided into social and individual. The creative process starts with social interaction. Other people help give 'birth' to ideas. In solitude, the individual hones these ideas into art.

Once established in this state of mind, ideas are communicated effectively non-verbally. Stripping down to "truth and bone" is like this. Communicating feelings is the most effective form of communication.

Flat earth is a concept created to explain a phenomenon that is hard to make such a concrete term. The earth isn't flat, but from our tiny perspective it appears flat. If the earth appears flat to you, it isn't a trick of the mind. The planet is so large compared to us that we have our own flat plane of earth, and our bodies are at the center, always.

This has many implications. Imagine Rome in the time of Jesus. Jews wished to be separate from Rome, some became tax collectors making their case weak. Rome was a society that folds in on itself. The center of earth is Rome. Leave Rome and you see all the crucifixion victims. The small world at the time meant people feared leaving. Death awaits.
Marijuana and Kant ethics are an appropriate study. Kant is always the least interesting person to stufy in philosophy. He wrote on the topic of ethics opposing utilitarianism. Before understanding Kant, one should be familiar with utilitarianism. Utilitarian ethics focuses on what's best for the many. Decisions should be made to benefit the majority, even if it's costly for a few. Kant focused on individual responsibility. Instead of sacrificing someone for the betterment of society, Kant would say that's scapegoating and isn't logically possible. If one follows a moral code of personal responsibility, one would be free from this moral dilemma. I think Kant speaks to the subconscious. It also could strengthen solidarity. No one wants to get high only to die. Utilitarianism isn't ethical on weed because we are often inclined to blame other people for our problems. The human mind is wired to protect the self. We don't feel good admitting being wrong. However, Kant would argue that the truth sets one free.

Marijuana is a mind expanding drug. It's thought to bring the subconscious to the forefront. This has the effect of making a person more vulnerable. One becomes more sensitive to their surroundings. Set and setting helps when getting high too. However, other people affect us more. Kant's ethics may be a stepping stone for understanding marijuana better. Getting high should be euphoric, not a paranoid circus of weird people. The people should be weird, we all are weird in unique ways. The paranoid circus can leave.

Bye bye, paranoid circus! Oh wait, I did say that the cold war is back, and it was because I got really paranoid high one day. She left off our conversation saying "you'll see." Those two words couldn't be more repetitive and relevant. I spent a lot of time worrying when everyone else would "remember." I'm too young to have lived through the cold war, and now I know how it started. It was put to rest for a while, but the infrastructure of the war was still established and standing.
Maybe I created a platform that is light years ahead of current politicians.
Love for president 2018!
Some people believe everything they're told, even though they know not to trust every source. They then take the literal meaning of what's spoken at face value. People self-incriminate themselves. It's not spotting lies, it's spotting incongruities in their story. Bottled up emotions spill out, and will continue to unless the bottle is simply dumped out. Addressing root psychological traumas (I heard it called shadow work) is a process that involves being honest with oneself, and others. Be true to to yourself first, and you'll be able to be transparent to others without fear of retaliation. Just love and understanding. Either way, I eat sin. It's only a matter of time before it's given new meaning. Sin won't end, but the second chance is here. Peace and love.
Carry it to the outer reaches of the universe. If NASA can get funding to fly into outer space, radical love shouldn't be hard to understand. First came love, then came everything else. Stuff was built on top of everything else, collapsed, and was built up again in the same location. We can't tell the difference between a tree and a cell phone. A cell phone can only save your life if you call 911 or something. A tree helps you continue breathing. Nature is the only paradise on this planet.
It can be paradise if we make it this way!
"Water can reside in places people hate, and it benefits all living creatures"
-Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu means "old child," not "old master." A master would not call herself such. We're overgrown children.

I wrote a book already. It's not finished, but the rough copy is done. I just need to get it back and edit it. I wrote that book high, so it was a rollercoaster of emotion. This is a manifesto, I'm not trying to make it funny. This is a condensed form of that book which is around 80-100 pages. I stopped numbering the pages after a while, and I can't read. What matters is that this book is based off that book. Even though that book was intensely funny writing it, that's a lot of words to read! Way too many! That book also got me so over-high that I couldn't read it for a while after finishing a section. It unlocked emotion that I didn't know how to handle. In between funny material, I poured a lot of grief into that book.

I sometimes get high on weed, get fixated on a thread, and it unlocks memories. This sounds like a good thing, but it's an intensely emotional process. It's as if I remember people that have passed away, and now that I know, I had no idea the impact this would have. I visit a cemetery every so often because it's and old indian graveyard turned settler cemetery. The earliest Europeans in the area were buried there. I smoked weed there one day and noticed a gravestone I haven't seen before. Julia Ann Comstock. Why do I feel it? I don't know her! Why am I crying?
I still don't have a clue.
More recently, I started having visions at night.I read a few gospels, revelation, songs of solomon, and I had a vision being nailed to a cross. I didn't think I'd ever get over it. I felt beated and bloody still. I didn't get over it until I had a vision seeing a friend crucified. She was so innocent, the earth was flat within a 15 foot radius around her. I didn't want to believe I was the only one that witnessed her innocence. I imagined I could suck the pain from her body. Rational thinking doesn't work when torture is involved. I was enraged!

I had to find new resolve. I never had to pick myself up after being dealt such a devastating situation. My social situation at the time reflected these revelations. I'm not alone in my head. I listen to what other people say. When you smoke as much weed as I do, other people help to keep my perspective in check. Personally, I tend to get delusional on weed and claim to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ, and that I'm God himself. I'm more mature and aware than I let on. I infuse my stories with real life experiences, but I never intend for my words to be taken literally. When you're as high as I am, you'd speak in parables too.

When I found my resolve, I became relentless.It was a life or death situation in my mind. I feel like I care and am trying to reach out. I saw heaven on ayahuasca. Heaven is here on earth if we make it heaven.

Think about it this way,do you think an all powerful and loving god would want us living in hell waiting to die to go to heaven? Don't wish for death to go to heaven. We have the responsibility to turn things around. We need to learn how to love again.
It only feels like dying and going to heaven. Heaven is here and now!
Ayahuasca is proof enough that heaven is on earth. The first time I took it, I was completely taken by the beauty of the outside world. I felt pure love flowing through me. Ayahuasca is powerful enough that I was able to get clean off alcohol, fentanyl, meth, heroin, coke, and the couple unmentionable drugs. If one doesn't feel drugs are part of their spiritual journey, there are many spiritual practices that elate the natural DMT production in the pineal gland. One can practice meditation for a decade and arrive at the same vibrational level as someone that had a full ceremony on ayahuasca.
Ayahuasca is so integral in spiritual practices that it could never be made illegal in South America.
Truth be told, ayahuasca cannot be made illegal anywhere. Ayahuasca is a physical and mental reality. Many wish for it's demise because it unlocks painful memories, however, ayahuasca does things right. She fights your inner demons for you. When she's done she gives you a kiss on your cheek and says "stay in touch, I love you."

This kind of love would be beyond cruel to persecute and throw through legal loopholes.

Reconnect to God.

He/she loves you before you were even a conscious life form.

Monday, April 2, 2018

Secrets stoners don't speak about pt 1

Yes, I wish there was more readily understandable information about things one will experience if they choose the high life when I first started. I loved it the first time I tried it, but I didn't become a stoner until years down the road. Life is indeed different on this side of the fence. The heroes journey begins with that first puff, and you're pretty much on your own trying to figure out all the spiritual and philosophical and social aspects of using this particularly friendly herb. Don't let the nay-sayers scare you away from choosing the high life, whatever scared them away doesn't need to affect us. We can be intelligent and friendly voices supporting one of the oldest herbal medicines in the history of written language.

Marijuana is often the creative force that gets ideas from ones mind out to the real world in the form of art. I'm sure I'm not alone in being able to function high, as I do my best creative work while under the influence. New users may find that creativity comes best after the high subsides. Those brilliant epiphanies that come up while smoking will remain in your head until they come out one way or another. It's not a waste being functionally impaired on MJ, it's more like changing the oil so that creative ideas return more easily when "unhigh". A journal is the best way to understand your own ideas. It's pretty much the only time you'll have to yourself where there are no limits to what you can write. Write about how it makes you feel. Jot down literally anything that comes to mind. Writing high, no matter the subject, is an intensely therapeutic tool. It heals on many levels beyond what can be achieved stoned to the couch and unable to move. I wouldn't blame you if you get stoned to the couch watching tv, no one is here to tell you what to do. They're more like suggestions to bring your high to new euphoric levels.

More people than you know are regular pot heads, but because it's illegal, they'll have a speech prepared ahead of time about how they don't smoke pot, but they support it. Some aren't lying, they literally thought they reached the end of their journey and discount the idea of pot being medicine still. I should leave these people alone, but for the targets they make out of honest stoners, I could do much worse. Marijuana and fear are often within the same sentence, but it doesn't need to be. Marijuana is a pacifist drug. It induces a calm and caring state of mind. Stoners just want to chill, they don't want to fight. Peace be with everyone, whether a full blooded stoner or a skeptic. Peace be with all.

That's generally how it's done. The social aspect surrounding the herb is what may be what one notices first and foremost. The best thing to do is make sure you're comfortable around the people you are smoking with. They'll influence your thoughts and emotions more than one might think. The human species are social creatures, and marijuana doesn't actually hide one from real life. It's up to the individual to manage their activities. Don't get too caught up in your ideas, they aren't truly original. Give credit where credit is due. To give life to this sentiment, it's like how jazz musicians can improv and jam with other musicians immediately. Music is the universal language, and it's easy to connect with other people like this. Reserve suspicion for people that don't have your best interests at heart. Good stoners won't harsh your vibe. We all are trying to make the vibe resonate with beautiful overtones.

This got long fast. pt 1 is an important intro. I'll probably make this a series since it's so ripe with stuff to talk about. On the flip side, I have Grizzly mint and dark wintergreen to keep my head buzzing. There is much to learn still. Hell, I didn't even know any of this until I wrote it just moments ago. Happy medicating!

Monday, March 12, 2018

Terra Vista cemetery

Now that the ayahuasca trip log is done, the real fun can begin! While the world of the living is brewing, the voices of the dead are audible to the naked ear. It helps to be stoned, but solidifying memories leaves a way to communicate even when the window between worlds separates. The ability to communicate is dependent on many variables, the weather, the stars, etc. The spirit world has never been closer to our world. Even still there are momentary surges here and there. She wants to make sure you learn it the first time, making the same mistake twice has consequences.

Terra Vista cemetery is an old cemetery that started as a native burial site and became a settlers cemetery. Some of the first outsiders in this state were buried there. However, the world of the dead has this sort of effect where they are too ingrained in the land to leave. They weren't unwelcome it seems, the land just wasn't ready. It wasn't good. The spirits most certainly are restless, and sort of welcomed marijuana. It was a weird story, but with the assistance of marijuana, I can finally prove that I'm insane!

The walk up is a curved hill. It's about a 10 minute walk, but then you get to a clearing of trees. Tall grasses grow on both sides of the trail. The first headstone can be seen in the distance, an eery white. That walk wasn't ordinary, each step was a year back in time. By time you get there it's 1891.Still a little in the future, but the air is too heavy here to contemplate that further. It's a small cemetery, but it's a very large burial site. It stretches out much further than the little graveyard surrounded by woods. It's not too far from the road, but you can barely see it, and sounds echo. Chickens are in the area and are most commonly heard. Listen a little more closely and you'll hear the real voices. Tread lightly.

the days of the fried - ayahuasca part 3

What always stood out to me about ayahuasca was how when you think you're overcome by it, it has a way of reminding you it only just got started. The trips had a time specific duration, and followed a natural course each time. Ayahuasca is not for you if you enjoy confusing mystical stories. Each time you take it, you're just trying to get high again, and potentially receive a new vision. I consider it the psychedelic of clarity. I walk away from it each time feeling right as rain. The haze of thoughts is replaced with a contentment of being. I sat outside the next day listening to the same music again, and wrote down the details of the trip into a notebook that is no longer in my possession. I was noticed, and I was noticed in a big way.

I never sold drugs, but I was about to become a drug lord. The twackery found me, and I was too far gone. Fentanyl started replacing weed, and meth wasn't far around the corner. I had amnesia, and I blacked out often. I only knew when I was coming back. Only this time my body was fighting to survive. I'll say it again, I blacked out a lot.

I was having an interesting roommate situation pop up. Some people moved in, moved out. Invited friends. I tripped on LSD at least. We walked around the woods at night. The stars hallucinated a beautiful compass, and the trail had signs. I would have chosen to smoke more weed though, the cocaine and meth at the end of the night made me sick. I guess the LSD was a compromise.

August 2017 another sunny day. I decide to microdose it this time, I wanted to test out that possibility. I just sat in the grass in the front yard, I looked over at the tree and the green leaves resonate, shooting green fractals out each leaf tip! The clouds in the blue sky where actually inches away this whole time! Who knew? It just felt like being small and in awe of nature.

Ayahuasca is always beautiful, but that was the eye of the storm. I was left without a job, the water was shut off, and the people just keep changing. I wasn't paying rent anymore so why not? Meth came free, and I actually occasionally got some weed. What meth addicts won't tell you is that they can't smoke weed anymore without tweaking horrifically. You need to find a connection that isn't too far gone. Even still, it became an impossible thing and meth was it. I already had nothing left, and it became interesting eating meth.

Meth is a superhuman drug. Something just isn't right about it. My thoughts are on display and everyone can see them! After a few days of abusing my thoughts, I sat there wondering when the meth and sleep deprivation would kill me. I don't even know why I take more, it's literal abuse. I sat awake for a week not speaking. I communicated moving stuff around. Nothing much ever happened so it wasn't hard to point an incense burner towards someone. Deep philosophical conversations while not saying a word.

Much of the details will remain out of the story. Going into anymore detail could incriminate me. My rent was already up and I moved out. I've been clean from meth, heroin, fetty, etc for maybe 5 months now. The journey into recovery is a tough one. I don't fear slipping now that marijuana isn't laced with anything except good ol' THC. It's still a struggle, but the human mind is always wired to recover. I ate a lot of sin on ayahuasca, I'm not worried. Marijuana keeps me happy. No one should have to fight to use the medicine that heals them. That's the world we were born into though. I like to think if I have any say, my word could strike fear in the prohibitionists. Nothing else works like marijuana. A bowl or two in the morning makes me chill and relaxed. The day goes by smoother. I just try to keep my perspective in check. I love getting lost in thought.